eihwaz | rune of the half-month | jan 7 2021
- Eva Johnson
- Jan 7, 2021
- 6 min read
[ from the Runes for Modern Life deck, Camilla Perkins + Theresa Cheung ]
[ my understanding of the runes comes from Runic Book of Days, Kelley Harrell ]
eihwaz: dec 28 - jan 13
sitting in ingwaz pose, then gebo, then uruz. lower back - that tender spot between the sacral dimples - aching and calling my attention. left upper shin, right inner thigh, left forearm also speaking. jaw clamped shut then i silently roar and explode open, in cycles. tap my tongue on the ceiling of my mouth - just before it dips up - 2 or 3 Hz. i get feedback where my chin meets my jowels, where i have had skin irritation and recurring acne for many years now. my moon bleed greets me sometime next week but i don't feel her whispers yet.
greeted the inky dawn by candlelight, sitting in alternating firelog pose, one hand holding the sole of my top foot, and the other hand on my bottom leg turned upward, outward. one grounding, one splaying open into ∞. one closed, one open. one feeling the nerve endings of my body, one feeling the nerve endings of that outside of my body. one within, one without.
exonerate. situate. set. repeat.
i ask ∞ for language to explain the incoming energies, and this is what i get, over and over. renk or renke comes through too, but i don't know what it means yet.
exonerate. where are the silvery sparkles of pieces of your old self that are still living out those scenes, those repeated mistakes, those moments you received relieving or exciting news in your life? those are real, and paralleling your present time, but your body is here, not there. call those shimmering dust particles that are ready to return to you. they've been waiting to be beckoned. i'm saddened any one of us had to live through 2020 + we are better for having lived through it. forgiveness is meaning to me now that i am allowed to see the plant for its medicines i have learned to extract from it, rather than only for the way it has poisoned me. i am allowing myself to feel the gratitude and feel the pain, and allowing both to exist together. past versions of me and past versions of others - i don't hold you pinned up against the wall again, interrogating you. we have all morphed and moulted, and i allow you to be who you are now, here.
situate. root word: place. where are you now? what does your body feel like now? often times i have difficulty feeling, sensing my body or communications from my environment and ∞. i spent many years turning the valve off, disassociating, and numbing from what i felt in the now. my particles were reliving the Back Then or the If-Only-Then or the Maybe-This-Will-Happen-When. often times still are. i can feel my cells integrating, processing, and resting healthily when i can push those Thens and Whens to my periphery. maybe it's by some temporary repelling magnetic force of my mind, maybe it's by saying "i want to hear from you" to my body that my survival mind knows i'm not in danger and can finally take a break. and it wants to. we are in the void, the pivot, the restructuring between what you and we were, and what you and we will experience and be. the color that's not a color yet. account for what you have, be aggressive about naming the ways that your body, your loved ones, your environment, your food, your space, your town and country and world do work for you. there may not be much, but i'm not asking you to count, to keep score, to notice the lack. there are plenty of ways it could be different or better to your understanding (When). there are many ways it might be different if you did something differently before (Back Then, If-Only-Then). those permutations, alternative realities are playing out in the multiverse, and another version of you is tending to them. thank ∞ you don't have to. i am grieving and furious, and i have the things that i have, and i am where i am, and some things, people, and parts of myself are providing deep joy. i will look back and say, thank ∞. once we situate, we can saturate. become so saturated with awe - of what we do have, who we are now, how far we have come - that there is no room for fear in your house you call a body and a mind. your body and mind are a library book, on loan. one day you will have to give them back. you are allowed to love it and love some parts of your experience along the way. you are not required to wait until the day you must return it in order to write your thank you card.
set. settled. set down your arms. ready-set-go. set your terms. fence it in. creating an intentional container doens't mean you have to cut off tendrils in the middle - what is within the ring stays, what is without is terminated and left to wither as a severed appendage. taking my time to settle into my setting. negotating and conversing with my inner and outer relationships that don't fit within those boundaries. co-create together. what wants to continue to remain within your new parameters will stay, fiercely, and thrive. we are one end of the contracts we uphold in this life, and those contracts are two-way. let what must dance away go. receiving a "no", someone acting triggered by your terms, it is a slash to the ego. time for soul contract updates. time to clean house. ∞ has wonder, in your field of desire, lined up to enter your experience, but is waiting for you to catch up to who ∞ knows you can be now. set > fence > limits > rein. reign. create a circle of protection + trust and wear it like a crown.
eihwaz is ansuz, with one of its prongs, wings, arms re-situated, re-set. ansuz is the breath we breathe into our creations, the things we pay attention to and give more Life Force to. it is a responsibility to ansuz. to watch it restructure to eihwaz, i am asked by ∞: what have you been breathing life into on autopilot? are there some of those life areas, people, parts of yourself, you need to stop breathing life into? how long has the abscission zone been formed, but you haven't wanted to let the leaf fall? for parts of your experience here on earth - let the dying die.
shaped like a pocket knife, ∞ asks me: what tools have you needed before that are wonderful skills to keep handy? what are tools that helped you maintain, cope, self-soothe that no longer apply - they are outdated and must be discarded - now that you are restructuring, now that you are re-set, now that you are establishing a new home: in your body, in your frame of reference, in the words you speak. ∞ loves a vacuum - remove one things, say goodbye to it, and be sure equilibrium will fill that space, that need, that way of moving through the world. there is a new tool, a new skillset you will be aquiring. put the old tool back into the utility knife. take a breath, and be ready to receive in your own time, what that new skill or approach might look like. no need to rush + know that you are a co-creator - don't wait for old patterns to be the one to decide what the next skill that takes its place is. begin thinking about what wand you'll wield next, set up the environment to allow for learning it. it will take time, and the doing isn't for this season. it's the isa - active rest. resting, not taking action, but alchemizing, allowing messages from ∞, noticing signs, feeling what parts of your body are speaking to you, be gentle with yourself while noticing the arenas in life you cannot bear to look in the eye, for that is a message too.
dye, cut, in the void, through a reflection. change the appearance of, restructure, use old material for a new purpose + expression. there is seemingly nothing that surrounds you, but what your human eye can't see is that the void is teeming with ∞ love, well ancestors, your higher self, and spirit entities that are here because they are working for your highest good. the reason you can see no backdrop right now is because you are given the space to dream up a new one. enjoy the messiness that is creation and "fucking first times". enjoy the kookiness that is speaking out loud to yourself and ∞ (before bed, in the shower, on a walk, going to work) - less about what you want and wish, + more about who you are right now. what is arising? what is really present for you? get raw, get messy. we don't want to see anything but. and all the while, make sure you are naming the parts your experience that are nothing short of a blessing.
what i've been drinking in lately:
"Rubble Removal" - Kelley Harrell, What in the Wyrd: Eihwaz, Psychosis, and Prophecy
"Rubble Removal" - Sabrina Lynn Domenosky, 5 Questions for Self Discovery & Self Love
Preaching - THE ROOT | Dominique Drakeford, Nikki Sanchez, Lisa Betty - Racism as a System (with specific focus back to the sustainable fashion agenda)
phone calls with Gina Nauman and Olivia Winokur
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